After Action Report #44

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[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] You're listening to After Action Report at savage.ly

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_02] After Action Report Welcome to After Action Report, where my bravest, horniest listeners share true tales of new sexual experiences with me. And they share those tales with you too. This week, meet Jay, who decided to join his furry pals for an adventure at Kink Cabin. Jay, welcome to the show.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01] Thank you. I'm super excited to be here.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_02] Before we get to what you did and why you called and what you wanted to share, tell us a little bit about who Jay is.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_01] Sure, yeah. So Jay is a 39-year-old pansexual poly furry from the greater Seattle. I currently live with my two partners, one who I've been with for just about five years now and the other one for about three.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_02] I'm going to ask the dread hierarchical question. Are you a practitioner of hierarchical polyamory, the three of you living together? Does the person who was there first have special rights and privileges? Or are you non-hierarchical? Or are you chaos poly or whatever that's called?

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_01] So I wouldn't say we're hierarchical, only because both of the relationships were relatively young. So the natural hierarchy didn't form. That being said, like with my other partners and QPRs, there's definitely a hierarchy. And, you know, the partners that I live with and my nesting partners are my primary focus, even if they're not my primary partners.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_02] Thank you for your clarity about that. I think that's really helpful to acknowledge the hierarchies that exist, I think, is a more honest way of practicing polyamory. And yeah, I get it. Like you have two partners, both similar durations, similar timeframes. And I think those can be equal partnerships. You know, when you're married to someone like I was for 20 years before you acquire another partner, I think there's just a hierarchy there that has to be acknowledged, not denied or wished away.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01] No, it's natural. You know, it's something that I've heard you say, and I definitely agree with. Like, I don't try to say, oh, these are my primary partners. However, things are naturally that way.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_02] All right. Is that why we had you on? Just to talk about how we structure our polyamorous relationships? Or was there more?

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_01] There was definitely more. So like I said earlier, I'm a pansexual polyamorous furry. And I recently got invited to go with 15 other queer furries of various persuasions to rent an Airbnb for a weekend for a like kink tasting slash orgy event. The first that I ever went to where I got to fulfill one of my lifelong kinks.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_02] And what do you call a furry kink orgy in the woods? Is a 4G a term that the furry community uses in reference to orgies? Or is there another one?

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01] Mursuit parties are the big one, but that's usually like a party one night. Mursuiting is what we call it, especially if you're doing it in suit. But I think we just called it the kink cabin.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_02] Keep it simple and keep it punchy and percussive. That's the best way with kink. That's why the word pegging took off the way that it did. It just pops out of the mouth. So before we get to the fantasies that were fulfilled that weekend at the big kink cabin, tell us about your fursona. Tell us about how you got into furry as a kink. How did that happen for you?

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_01] So I kind of grew up in the wild west of the internet back in the 90s and discovered furries on IRC probably when I was too young to have discovered furries. So got into the fandom when I was about 14 or 15, have been a furry now for over 20 years. Spent most of that time as a mostly online furry, not going to real events. When I moved to the Bay Area in 2019, that changed and then met my partners and moved

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_01] up to Seattle, who are both very involved in the fandom. So I've gotten progressively more and more involved, even if I've been a bit of a late bloomer.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_02] Was the furry thing for you always erotic? I know there are people out there in furry land who insist that it's not necessarily about sex or a kink for all. And sometimes that insistence can take on, I think, almost a sex negative vibe. And I'm curious for you, at the start, was it furry and boners or was it furry and then the boners came?

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_01] So it's funny, right? I was like 14, 15. So boners were just kind of my life.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_02] They were kind of always there. Oh my God. Boners and breakfast, boners and reading the New York Times. Like, yeah, you can't really see your boners from everything else when you're 14 years old.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, so I don't think that furry was intentionally the boner thing, but I was also like too young, you know, ERPing with other younger furries that were my age and doing the thing that you did at that age online. So I think they were linked to some extent, even if I didn't know it yet.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_02] Okay, so tell me about the kink cabin. Tell me about the things that you got to do at the kink cabin with 15 other furries that you never, ever got to do before.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_01] Oh man, I mean, so there's a ton. It's funny you mentioned pegging earlier and I won't bury the lead. That's actually the fantasy that got fulfilled for me was getting pegged by a female, which was really awesome. But there was so much that happened. I actually got drone footage of somebody in an inflatable horse costume fucking another furry, like with the inflatable horse costume. It's pretty cool footage.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_02] I think you'll have to privately send that to me so that I can wrap my head around it. Someone in an inflatable horse costume fucking somebody else in an inflatable horse costume?

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_01] No, the other person was just a naked human. But the inflatable horse costume, I'm sure you've seen the big inflatable costumes running around pride and stuff like that. It wasn't human sized. It was definitely larger than life.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_02] Wow. So like safely reenacting the Enumclaw. Oh no. Fake. Hate to invoke that, but. I live dangerously close. You can Google that Enumclaw horse fucking if you're curious. Beware of the video that might be offered up to you. All right. So you got pegged. Who pegged you? How did you negotiate that? Was that on the menu before you got there? Was that sprung on you?

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. So a few weeks before the event, we started a group chat to kind of discuss what people were going to be bringing to the event, coordinate like gear and toys and things like that. And this was my first time ever doing an event like this. Like I said, I was kind of a late bloomer and like just started going to merge suit parties in the last couple of years. And so this was kind of a big step. So I posted in the group and said, Hey, I want to put myself out there. You can see me. I'm a bear. I'm chubby. I have some body issues.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_01] It was like, Hey, I want to put myself out there. I want to experience new things. I've had this fantasy to be pegged. And a another furry in the group, a small, slight female at about, you know, five foot nothing who is a fem dom was like, I will make that happen for you. And so this was coordinated beforehand and it was definitely fulfilling a lifelong kind of bucket list item for me.

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_02] So pegging for different people has different resonances. The eroticism of it can be different for different people for you for some just about sensation for others about the inversion of roles, uh, about the penetrator being penetrated. What was it for you?

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01] So for me, it's actually so specifically it was being pegged by a female or a vagina haver, right? Um, preferably like an AFAB female only because it's the gender bending for me and the idea of like being domed by somebody who wasn't equipped to do it is actually very hot to me. I've always had a thing for androgyny. And so I go for like butchy women and femy men. It's just the way I've always been.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_02] Okay. Yeah. I was like tracking that. I'm like, okay, that's kind of me too. Like not that I sleep with women or people who are assigned female at birth, but every once in a while that lesbian firefighter, I spot them on the street and I'm like, oh, they paying on to my sex card.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01] Androgyny is a big thing for me. And so that kind of gender bend of someone who identifies as female, doesn't have a dick, putting on this huge toy and fucking me was always like very hot to me.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_02] And so it happens. It happened. Give us the moment, the when and where. Was it just the two of you alone? It was an orgy. Were there witnesses? How did you get it going? Because asking for asking for something that you want is one thing. And then you can get really self-conscious when the thing you asked for is a go. Like it's almost like you now you have to ask again, but you have to recommit to the bit at that moment. You have to take what you get. Take yes for an answer. You have to take what you asked for. And I'm curious about that moment when it was going to happen.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_02] Describe it for us.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, absolutely. So it was a Saturday night at the cabin. Everybody was various states of, you know, intoxicated or just chilling. Um, and things were starting to heat up for the night. And she actually came to me and said, hey, do you want to get up in that sling for me? And I'm like, sure. So we had this back room set up that was the host's bedroom that he was like, this is going to be where we set up the sling and all of my toys.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_02] Are you in a fursuit?

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_01] No, no. Uh, so she was in her head. I was not in my fursuit.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_02] Okay.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_01] Um, well, I think I was in, uh, I did have my, I have a hood, like a neoprene hood of my snow leopard persona that I was in.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_02] Okay. Okay.

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_01] Uh, so she helps me get up into the sling and she has this probably eight inch big blue strap on that she's been wearing for half of the night already. Um, and it was, so the actual scene itself, very hot. She's a natural fem dom. Um, first off she, she put me in the sling and rim me like just got down under me and started rimming me like a good top.

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_02] Yes.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01] Yes. Very good at it. And then got up and started lining up aligning, put, uh, the toy in and started like biting my legs, spanking my ass, like really turning up the dom energy, which was super, super, super hot. Uh, and I definitely really enjoyed that. I will say like you having being fucked by real dicks being fucked by a toy is definitely a little different. And, and especially by someone who can't feel what it's doing or, or so I was, I won't

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_01] say disappointed, but surprised that I didn't enjoy the actual physical part of it that much, but the dom energy and that whole dynamic was super hot and super arousing to me.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_02] A dildo, not as much give like a dick, even a hard dick will kind of bend and adjust to the shape of the person that it is inside in a way that a toy might not be able to. I wanted to actually talk about rimming for a second, because you said before we're getting going here about what happened that you're a big bearish guy and you have some body issues. That must've felt very affirming of your attractiveness. There's nothing that's more affirming that someone is into you than that person eating your ass. You're a big bearish guy. You're absolutely right.

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_02] Big bearish guys are hot. Like you are somebody's jam. You were clearly her jam. And I just want to sit with that moment for a second because man, people don't eat the butts of people they aren't physically really into, which means being big and bearish doesn't disqualify you from finding people in the world who are into you physically.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_01] I appreciate that. And yeah, I should probably internalize that more.

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_02] You should. That's why I wanted to like really draw a circle around it with and for you. So did you come? Were you stroking yourself while you were getting fucked or was it purely just about the pegging and the vibe?

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_01] So I was stroking myself a little bit. I don't tend to really come when I'm bottoming. It just, it's not what I'm there for. At the end of the day, I came later that night, but I really enjoyed it. I loved the vibe. It was a lot of fun. There were some silly moments, moments where she fell out. One moment where she actually cramped up because I'm tall and bigger. And like I said, she's very slight. And so she cramped up and we had to take a water break. But like the Dom energy, yeah, walk it off for a second, take a lap. It's fine. Slings are comfy.

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_01] I just chilled there. But it was honestly like the Dom vibe was so fun. The whole energy of just the sexual freedom at the cabin really lent itself to the moment. And it was all really nice.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_02] Other people in the room, were they observing, cheering you on? Were they doing their own thing and glancing over? What was, what were everybody else doing at the time?

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_01] So yeah, when we came into the room, there were only two other people in the room. They watched for a bit and I heard them commenting on it and talking about it and kind of riling themselves, riling each other up with, oh, look how hot that is. And then I saw other people that would come in and watch for a second and stroke themselves and then like maybe go off to do something else. This was, like I said, was in a back bedroom. So the living room area was where most people were mostly congregating and they were like, I wonder what's going on in the other orgy area of the house and go check out there.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_02] I have a question about privilege, its own kind of hierarchy. I just took a question in Savage Love where I talked about how for some people in leather and kink, there is a barrier to entry because good fetish wear, good kink gear, that's expensive. And some people will use their ability to like purchase like really high quality gear as a way of excluding or signaling.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_02] And I'm curious if there's, and there's a dialogue about that in the leather fetish scene about not being exclusionary and welcoming people even if they don't have all the right gear or any gear yet at all. I'm curious because a fursuit is fucking expensive. A head is fucking expensive. Are there the same kind of issues in the furry community around access and money and class?

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_01] So it's definitely not super pervasive, but it does exist. There are definitely groups that are like, this is only for mer-suiters, people who actually have the suit.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_02] Which can cost $8,000, $10,000, $12,000.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_01] Easily these days, honestly. But I would say most things are accessible. The pup hood has kind of become the light fursuit lately. There's a lot of crossover between the pup and furry communities. And those are a lot more accessible. And a lot of groups are like, hey, come wear your pup hood. That means we can still film your faces and on camera, right? But there definitely are still groups within the fandom that exclude people who don't have an actual fursuit. Especially in Seattle and the Bay and on the West Coast, I don't think it's as pervasive.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_02] And I really have two minds about that. I mean, the pup mask then is to the furry scene as the harness is to leather pink scene. Like anybody can get a harness. They're like, you can get one for $20 if you want to. At the same place you get the pup hood. At the same place you get the pup hood. And yet I also want to say, like, if somebody wants to have a party where the vibe is everyone's in a fursuit, like I think that's a legitimate desire. Where the baseline, and like that is exclusionary because like they cost so much fucking money.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_02] But so long as there are also events for and those same people at other events or other parties they might throw are also welcoming of the person who just has the pup mask, I don't think that should be disallowed or stigmatized. Like I can understand. I'm not a furry, but I can understand if I spent $12,000 on a fursuit, a desire to be in a room with 10 other people who also are in those fursuits.

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_01] Yep. Yeah. And I think that's really what it is, right? There's definitely an element of the culture that will yell about it, the Puritanes, and say, hey, you know, these events are exclusionary. They shouldn't be allowed. They do that about anything that isn't vanilla sex, essentially. And sometimes even that.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_02] So the queer incels out there who are all theory about sex and no practice. Yes, exactly. So have you gotten pegged again since? Is this in the regular rotation now?

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_01] I have not gotten pegged again since. I did just get invited up to their new house. They were in the middle of a move, so it may happen again very soon.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_02] Well, I hope it goes just as well or better next time since like physically, you know, sometimes it takes a little practice to like catch the groove to learn the difference between the dick and the dildo. I hope the next time you give it a try, it's physically as satisfying as it was erotically, emotionally.

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, I, you know, I think I can recalibrate around what it feels like to get fucked by a dildo instead of a dick. The scene itself was still hot, and I think that was kind of the unexpected win from the night. Even if the actual physical sensation wasn't what I expected, the being femdombed was more than I expected. And so it kind of recalibrated where that kink went a little bit.

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_02] Jay, thank you so much for coming on the show. What a great weekend. What a great story. I really appreciate you sharing all of this with me today and my listeners.

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_01] Absolutely. Thank you for having me.

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_02] Thanks again, Jay, for coming on the show. Here's hoping your next visit to Kink Cabin goes even better than your first. If you, yes, you out there listening right now, if you have a story about a new sexual adventure with fantastic mixed or abysmal results, we want to hear from you. Send us an email at qatsavage.love. Let us know what you did and how it went, and you might be my next guest on After Action Report.

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_00] After Action Report.