After Action Report #43

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_01] This episode is brought to you by VB Health, doctor-formulated supplements that work. To learn more about Load Boost, Drive Boost, and Soaking Wet, and to get 10% off, visit vb.health and use the code SAVAGE.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] You're listening to After Action Report at savage.org.

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_01] After Action Report! Welcome to After Action Report, where the whole world gets to hear about the sexy new thing that you tried. This week, we meet Trix, who figured out a super hot way to spice up her marriage. Trix, welcome to the show.

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_02] Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here today.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_01] Thank you for being had. Before we get to what you did that you're here to tell us about, tell us a little bit about who you are. Who is Trix?

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, so I am a queer woman in the Northeast. I'm married. I'm 46. I'm in an open relationship. We've been married 22 years.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_01] Okay, I need your mother's maiden name and your social security number, and then we can go on from there.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, yeah. And we've been open in our marriage for about 16 years, so for a hot second.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, you've been doing the thing, the open marriage. Are you guys, if I may ask, before we get to the thing that you wanted to share about, are you an openly open couple, or are you socially monogamous and sexually non-monogamous?

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_02] So it's kind of a hybrid right now of the socially open. Like, we're becoming more open as we are parents, and so as our kids are older, that is changing, our comfort with being more open, as they are exploring the world also and sharing with them.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_01] Do your kids know?

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_02] So they do not know, but that is on the docket for 2026.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01] Okay.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_02] Yes.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_01] As my mother often said, there are things a mom has a right not to know. Yeah. I think that also applies to kids. There are things kids have a right not to know or might not want to know. But then there are facts of your existence as a couple in an open relationship, and the closet sucks. There's a reason queer kids come out to their parents, and sometimes I think there's a reason queer parents or parents who are poly or open end up coming out to their kids because hiding the ball, hiding the other partners isn't fair to them, and it's exhausting.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_01] And yeah, so I support your plan in 2026 to come out to your kids without being open.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, thank you. And I just want to say that, like, it has been something we've been very thoughtful about for that very reason that, like, I don't want to – they don't need a lot of details, but they are young adults in the world and in overlapping communities. And so I think that's important.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. You don't want them to find out by running over dad's –

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_02] We don't need any profiles out there. Account on Field. Nope.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_01] Kids get on dating apps too.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_02] Yes, that's right.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_01] And I've heard from kids who ran into their parents on dating apps. And it's better not to find out that way. Okay, so that's not what you called in to talk about. What is it that you did? What is it that you wanted to share with other After Action Report listeners?

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, so I participated in porn. For the first time. I want to just shout out to Cliff Media and Vanessa Cliff. That was the production company that I joined for a shoot while they were on the East Coast. And it was – I didn't know what to expect. And it was amazing.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_01] So how long had you been wanting to do some – and this is commercial porn. Yes. Good commercial porn. Yes. Feminist commercial porn.

[00:03:33] Yes.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_01] Centering pleasure. Yes. This isn't, you know, commercial porn. People have this idea in their head that commercial porn is all what commercial porn was in the 80s or 90s. Yes. And not true. There's a lot of independent porn people out there who make their own stuff. Very empowering, empowered. But there's still studios. But people have this, like, bias about studios are always bad. But you found a good one. How long had this been a fantasy of yours to appear? Not just – like, you could have made clips and just put them on an anonymous Twitter feed. Totally. You could have made your own porn. Yes.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01] What was it about studio porn that it appealed to you?

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_02] Well, and I just want to say, like, I have, like, for myself and my husband have made my own porn and had, like, many of us have, like, created content that I wasn't necessarily selling. There's something about Cliff Media. I think it's being a part of something that is so community organizing and has social activism at the heart of it. And that's, like, a beautiful thing to bring into our porn, I think. And that was, like, kind of what sparked it a few years ago when I found them. But then I thought about going out west.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_02] And then I saw they were doing an East Coast adventure. And I was like, you know, I mean, I'm, like, I'm in a small town on the East Coast. We got our second stoplight, like, within the last 10 years. So, like, I have to travel for porn.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_01] Did they get the second spotlight specifically to slow you down? That's right. Was it targeted?

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_02] Yes.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_01] We hear that Trix is thinking about going to the West Coast and doing porn. We want her to have to stop at at least two stoplights to think about this life choice on the way to the airport.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_02] That's right. So I have to travel, needless to say. And I reached out again and said I'd love to be a part of this. And then Vanessa reached out and said we'd love to have you. And would you be interested in writing and directing a porn for the shoot? This is a women's center. This is LGBTQ center. This is BIPOC center. And I was, like, sitting in this apartment with a friend of mine. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm going to have to think about it. And she's like, for fuck's sake, you're not going to think about it. She's like, you're a theater kid at heart.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_02] Like, go write a porn. And so I did.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01] My mom and dad have a barn we can put on a show. It's very Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney of you. That's right. So the porn that you wrote for yourself to star in, what was the premise?

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. So it was called A Hang and Bang and really was from a lived experience. So what happened here is I've had a lot of really fun and exciting experiences in the Northeast. And people in my area started to reach out to me and be like, how are you creating this community, these events for yourself? Really, it was I had started to have queer, adoring gang bangs for myself. And so that was the heart of this. This porn was like, what would it be like?

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_02] Because I had been doing this, like, consulting for folks. If you came to someone and had a consulting experience and we ask all the questions and then that flashes forward with movie magic to the adoring gang bang that's in the other room.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_01] So like a gang bang doula or a wedding planner, but gang bangs.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_02] Yes. That's what I think. I think of it myself as like this. I'm a really good planner. I love to ask a lot of questions. And so like we can really get a container that can hold somebody for what they want, whether for me it's adoring. Somebody else might want a different energy.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01] That's OK. So tell me about the shoot. You write this outline. Did you write dialogue or was it just a premise and an outline and people got to improv? But the day of the shoot, were you nervous? Did you have second thoughts?

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_02] Yes. All of that. Yes to all of that. So I drive down the day before. I get there. I show up the next morning. I come a little early so I can connect and kind of get all the paperwork stuff. Right. Who knew how much paperwork there was in porn? Like tons. And also Vanessa Cliff is a badass businesswoman. Like she is like amazing in that regard as well. So I got there early. I connected with her. I connected with the person that was going to be kind of centered and I was going to be the consultant.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_02] And it was a pansexual hang and bang because there's a lot of laughter and joy in these things. And I had an outline. And then we kind of talked a little bit before. And then we improv'd a lot of it. And then we kind of connected with everybody in the space about what this might look like when we come down to the space. And the person who was centered was like, I don't want to be the center the whole time. So we talked about that in the beginning as well. Like so in this porn, can you say, will you let us know when you're ready for it to turn into an orgy?

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01] So you weren't the lead actress. You were the best supporting actress.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_02] Yes. Yes. Strap-ons and everything. Yes.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_01] So you wrote the porn, a premise, and somebody else was going to star in your fantasy. But you played a role.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, totally. It was awesome. And then we also, I was a part of a scene later in the day also. So I did two scenes while I was there.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_01] Okay. So you got to write something. Other people brought it to life and you were a part of it. But then you got to film some porn yourself and be the center, be the star, get fucked.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_02] I got to be in both. And it was just like such a cool experience. And I think that the key with this was that they really create community in their porn experience. So it's not like you just show up and you're like, okay, content, content, content. It was like there was this beautiful web of connection that happened. And that's something that like, I don't even know if I have words for how liberating that felt in that space. And I've been to a lot of sex parties, sex events, but this was a very curated experience.

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_02] And even in the aftermath, there was like an opportunity to talk about after off screen how things were. And that was beautiful. And so, yeah, the whole experience was just like, I feel like I'm like still flying a little bit high from it.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_01] I have to ask commercial porn. Somebody's making money. Cliff Media is a studio. Was the payment for you the fulfillment of this fantasy? Because that's nothing. Like I have this crazy fantasy and I want, you know, you need to access the resources of somebody who can make that happen. You know, I have friends with like insane fantasies who've appeared in porn and the payment for them was this fantasy being fulfilled. And the people who made it happen for them, they made the money money.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_01] But did you get paid paid as well as the fantasy fulfillment aspect?

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_02] I didn't get paid paid, but I do have access to all the content. And I have, I'm also able then to sell the content if I want to. So for the scenes that I was in. So I am, so for me, that felt like a fair barter.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01] So you have co-ownership of what you created. The studio owns it and can monetize it, but you own it too and can do with it what you want, including potentially monetizing.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_02] And I'm also like psyched for them to make some money off of it. Like having a porn production company like this out there is like unusual. And I, I'm grateful that they're there and people are accessing this.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. I want to be clear. I don't think you're being exploited. Yeah. And like, I don't think my friends who've like had a crazy fantasy and some people who make porn were able to like pull it all together for them. We're exploited because they didn't get paid. Like their fantasy was fulfilled for them. A service was provided for them. And the tradeoff for the porn production company was they got this monetizable content.

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_02] Yes. I share that only because like I'm such a hype girl for Cliff Media now. That's actually what it is. You sure are.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01] You're like the best product endorser. Yes, yes. Of a porn studio I've ever had here on the show. So have you done it again? Would you do it again? Is this a scratch you just needed to itch once?

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_02] I have not done it again and would do it again for sure. So if they come back to the East Coast, I would love to be a part of it. And like they've definitely been like super kind and invited us out there. So like I would definitely go. You know, it's like life is lifey. But if I had the opportunity and it was available to me, 100%.

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_01] What did your husband think? Did he have any reservations? Because I do think, you know, we each of us get to do whatever we want. But when we're in a partnership, the choices we make sexually, if they're public, impact our partner. And, you know, you're telling them a little bit too. And I do think they should have input and be considered. So I'm curious what that conversation with your husband is like.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, so that's a great question. I would say I like to joke that I have a board of directors and my husband's on the board. He's like I have like that bestie that I was in this room was on that board. And my board was like the biggest hype, including my husband, who was like when I was like, oh, I don't know. He was like, how could you not do this? How could you not have this experience? And so then I kind of like we got in this feedback loop and I was like, I think you should come. I think you should like you should vet and be a part of this.

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_02] And so he was also able to come and be a part of the porn as well. So he was in the porn and both porns that we the scenes we produced together. And I mean, what a way to celebrate 22 years.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_01] OK, our worst case scenario at the beginning of this conversation where your kids stumbling over your field account. Totally. Now my worst case scenario is your kids stumbling over your porn. Have you let them know if you're having conversation now like you can never look at Cliff Media like wherever you get your porn, never Cliff Media. And don't ask me why. Don't ask mom why.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. So this is another great question. I actually have an amazing therapist who is like a queer centered open therapist. And we've been talking about how to have this conversation because I did you know, that is a reservation. I don't think they're going to run into it right this second, but I think this year it's out there. So I feel like there's an importance. They're adults. They're young adults. It's important for us to I think it's about how much do they need to know? Like what is what do I what is it that I need to share?

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_02] I'm not sure I have the language for it yet, but it's forming about how much do they need to know? Do they need to know that we've made some content? Probably. But do they need to know all the details of it?

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_01] No, no, they don't need to know. It's just like when I came out to my mom is gay. She needed to know that my partners are going to be male. She did not need to know whether I was the one getting fucked or what else might be happening. The outline. But I think part of the outline you need to draw for your kids is here there be monsters. Cliff Media. Here there be monsters. Not that you're a monster, but like no kid wants to see.

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_02] No, I don't want to see that.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_01] They're very supportive of their parents right to like be fully sexual beings and continue to live after parenting. Parenting is a part of their life, not all of their life. But like as a child, if my mom was making porn, I would want to know kind of vaguely where it was so that I didn't accidentally stumble over it.

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_02] We used to have a play partner who would say, don't go in this drawer to her kids unless you want a tragic backstory.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_01] Oh my God. I love that.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_02] So that's kind of the premise that we're like, don't go here unless you want a tragic backstory.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01] I'm going to steal. I wish I could get in a time machine and steal that. Yeah. Because yeah, there was my son in his era of like turning the house upside down and us having to have a conversation. Like now you know something you didn't want to know and it's not our fault you know it.

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_02] Yes, tragic backstories and we all have them. So I think I'm kind of framing it in that way of like here's – I want you to know where not to go.

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_01] You're there being monsters.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. Yes.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_01] Trix, thank you so much for coming on After Action Report. I'm glad this was such a positive experience for you. And I'm so glad that you have a partner. I feel lucky this way too. I have partners who even if they can't do it for me, like they can't be a porn production studio, your husband couldn't for you. They're always the reason I can. They're the reason I can have things that I want to have, that I think about, that I fantasize about even if they can't make it happen. I never look at them and think, oh, there's the reason I can't. I always look at Terry and think, there's the reason I can't.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_02] It's so true. I feel so grateful for that. And again, like when we were coming into this and I was like, 22 years of marriage, what a better way to celebrate. Let's make porn. Like, let's go.

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_01] Oh my God. It makes me think about our 15th anniversary. Terry and I flew to New York City to see Stephen Sondheim's A Little Night Music, the revival on Broadway with Angela Lansbury. Oh my God. And it's a musical about the tragedy of marrying the wrong person. And it was all I wanted for my 15th anniversary.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_02] It was a little night music.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_01] And we're still together, so it wasn't a curse.

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_02] No, no.

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_01] All right, Trix, I have to let you go. Thank you so much. That was such an enjoyable conversation. Same. Thank you for sharing.

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_02] Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_01] Thanks again, Trix. If you and your spouse or just you all by yourself have tried something new and you want to tell me and my listeners all about it, send the dirty details to Q at savage.love. And you might be my next guest on After Action Report, which means your kids might hear all about it on After Action Report.

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_00] After Action Report.

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