After Action Report #47

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[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_02] You're listening to After Action Report at Savage Lovecast

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_01] After Action Report Welcome to After Action Report, where my listeners take two risks. First, they risk trying something new in bed or something new in South America or Berlin or Amsterdam. My listeners, they get around. And then second risk, they come here on the show and tell me and you all about it. This week, meet Rachel, who with a little planning and an assist from the internet, created the hour of her dreams. Rachel, welcome to the show.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_02] Thank you so much. A thrill to be here.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_01] Before we get to what you tried, what you wanted to share with the After Action Report audience, tell us a little bit about yourself, Rachel.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_02] I am a 54-year-old straight cisgendered woman from upstate New York, divorced now 10 years, and have dated and had some traditional monogamous partnerships. And I'm here to speak about a date I had about a year and a half ago after joining a dating app that I had never heard of.

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_01] You want to give the name of the dating app you'd never heard of or do you want to keep that on the down low?

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_02] I mean, everybody now knows it. I don't know about everybody, but it is Field. But it was new to me in the spring of 2024.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01] How was your experience of Field? I mean, they sometimes advertise. This is a little weird because they are an advertiser. Yeah. But so many, and one of the reasons we're so happy they advertise is so many of our listeners bring Field up all the time unprompted. Because our listeners tend to be very sexually adventurous and they're looking for other people and Field seemed to be the go-to. Did you have a good experience?

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_02] I've had an incredible experience. I mean, there's a lot to say about online dating, right? Most of it not good. And this particular experience was a perfect storm of interesting good things that led me to be in a place of being interested in something new and different. And I would say the level of authenticity and genuine interest in exploring ourselves and one another has led to a lot of very interesting and fun and joyful experiences.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01] That is very gratifying to hear. That is a great endorsement. Better than any endorsement that I could give. All right. So what is it that you wanted to share? You had one particular experience you wanted to tell us about.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_02] So I connected with somebody on the app who said very little. He said essentially that he was interested in exploring his newfound interest in exhibitionism. And I was interested in exploring being a voyeur. And so I thought maybe our interest would dovetail. And that's how I reached out to him. And I said, would you be interested in exploring this? And we did.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_02] Over the course of several weeks over the app, we sort of iterated on a particular fantasy. And it was me watching him masturbate. And there was one of the more delightful things about this is that we didn't do any of the normal sort of getting to know you stuff. I didn't know where he went to high school or his mom's name. It was really only about like how and in what way was I going to watch him get off?

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_02] And, you know, the myth of like sex can only be, you know, sexy and interesting and hot if it's spontaneous. Completely not true. The fact that we had like gamed out all of these different possibilities just sort of made the whole thing hotter. And I'm not even sure that we were going to we knew that we were going to do this in person. But at some point we decided like we actually have to like see if we can pull this off. And so we did. We had landed on.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_02] We didn't script out the whole thing. But we kind of like we took some things off the table. We put some things on the table. And we said, OK, this is when and where it's going to happen.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_01] It's interesting that you didn't get to know him. Like often women are constantly attempting to control for male violence. And one of the ways women control for male violence is by requiring like real names and getting to know somebody. And that online vetting, especially before you, you know, are in a room with somebody or watching them masturbate in their car or whatever it is, however it was you were going to make this fantasy a reality.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_01] What was it about your interactions with him when you guys were keeping it strictly to these roles? You wanted to like not know him as a person outside of he's this exhibitionist and not be known as a person to him outside your voyeur. What was it about the interaction that made you feel comfortable and safe with him realizing the fantasy without the usual where do you work? What's your name?

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_02] That's a real thing. And that was one of the things that we went back and forth on. And we actually called it out very explicitly. I said, hey, listen, you know, safety is a thing. And for him, anonymity was a thing. That was sort of where his safety boundary was. And we had a discussion about male privilege. And so, you know, that he knew the term male privilege and used it in this context was an indication to me that likely I, you know, wasn't going to end up in a body bag. Maybe not the best way to go about it.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_02] But and then we did game for some other safety mechanisms. Like we each got a hotel room in the same hotel. I had told somebody where I was going and what I was going to be doing and how long I'd be there for. And the rest is a little bit up to your appetite for risk. If you've been online dating for a while, you know that, you know, some of this is part of part of the negotiation.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. And you can know somebody.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_02] Yes. And you can know somebody for a long time.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_01] You can marry somebody. Yep. And there's still risk. That's right. OK. And props to this guy. Like there's a lot of straight like almost he gets a credit. He gets some points for the fact that as an exhibitionist, he wasn't just whipping his dick out in public at unsuspecting women who didn't want to see his dick.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_02] Thankfully, that was not the case.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_01] He was getting on field and taking his kink and like trying to find somebody who was the lid for his pot, who wanted to see his dick as opposed to showing his dick to people who maybe once in a while you might get lucky and show your dick to somebody who's excited to see it. But if you're an exhibitionist and you don't care about other people's consent or buy in, you're going to be showing your dick most of the time to people who didn't want to see it and might feel threatened or scared by having you wag it at them. And so just the fact that he was on field.

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. Doing something very deliberately. And we had exchanged at least one face picture. So we'd like there was some, you know, there was there was some information. But, you know, we did really want to keep it sort of in the realm of this fantasy of anonymity.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01] So you check into the hotel. He checks into the hotel. What's the plan?

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_02] So the plan is that when he got into bed and was ready for me, he would message me that he was ready. He would leave his hotel room open and I would go into his hotel room because the scene was essentially like I would happen upon him in what was, you know, my hotel room, this person masturbating in the bed. And what would I do? And mostly he wanted me to sort of ignore him, which was kind of fantastic in some ways. And so I walked down the hall. I was excited and nervous.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00] I love hotels, by the way. I just like I love hotels.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_02] I love a hotel. And this hotel was really nice. Like a dirty hotel room was not part of the fantasy. The hotel was actually beautiful. So like all of my senses were activated for this particular, you know, hour. And I walked into the hotel room and you couldn't see the bed from from the hotel door. So I walked in. I closed the door. I like took a deep breath. I got real present because I'm like, if I'm going to do this, I want to be here. I don't want to like fly out of my body with nerves.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_02] And so I did like, you know, a 30 second meditation practice to like get focused on this stranger's dick. And so I walked into the bedroom and I clocked that it's him because I see his face and he's already in the bed and he's already masturbating. And like the scene, I mean, I'm still just like blown away by it because he's in this beautiful bed. He is beautiful. He takes up like the entire bed.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_02] He's this very dark, beautiful green wall is behind him with like well-appointed art. And I'm just like stunned at like just the beauty of what's happening right here.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_01] For everybody out there, I have to ask, how was the dick? The dude was beautiful. How was the dick?

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_02] So I sit down and I take off my clothes and I get into bed beside him. And then I turn back around and I face him. And we have not said a word to each other at this point.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01] Oh my God, this is so hot. Which is like, I want this for myself.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_02] Which is the best part. No words have been exchanged. He sees me. I see him. I pull back the covers and his dick is amazing. It's amazing. Like the whole thing was just like, am I on TV right now? Is this like really happening? And then, you know, for the next 45 minutes to an hour, I think I clocked it. I think I got in there and I was like, okay, I'm going to see how long this takes. And he masturbates for an hour.

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_01] No sex, no touching. It's just watching.

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_02] There was touching. So we put on the table, we took off the table penetration or kissing or, you know, and it was on the table was touching. And he's like, you don't even have to pretend that I'm there. You don't have to look at me. You don't have, I mean, so many things were like, you know, go about your business as if, you know, I'm not even here.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_01] So it turns him on to be doing this thing that you can't ignore, but to be ignored while he's doing this thing.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_02] To be ignored while he's doing this thing. Yeah. Yeah. And that worked for me. So I, you know, I brought a vibrator into the room because I also wanted to make sure that I got off, but I didn't know if I was going to be too, like how that was going to go. And so I, you know, put my thumb on the scale a bit. And I had an orgasm first. And then I sort of turned and just paid attention to him and just watched. And I like put my hands on his body. And then just like watched his facial expressions. I watched his body.

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_02] I watched obviously him stroking himself. It was all just so incredibly intoxicating the whole thing.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_01] All right. So you came and you came first, always good best practices. Yeah. Then he came. What then? How did you extract yourself? And had you negotiated in advance, like sticking the dismount here? Like no awkward small talk at the end?

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_02] No, we didn't. And we had texted for at least three or four weeks. So I kind of had a, we had dialed in to each other's sort of like things that turned us on. And so I helped finish him with, so it was both of our hands. And he came, I got up, I went to the bathroom. I got him a towel. I sort of threw the towel down on him. Not in necessarily an aggressive way, but threw the towel down on him. I turned around, I put on my clothes and I walked out of the room without saying a word.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00] Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

[00:10:59] [SPEAKER_02] I mean, it was so that, I mean, it was so great to not, I mean, to not have to do any of that stuff. I get back to the room and he messages me and he says, I think we nailed it. And it was just like, like this outpouring of gratitude and like respect and like, I can't believe this is so great. Like, thank you so much. Like it was, it was very touching for being so pervy. It was very touching.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_01] That's a part of like a pervy moment where two people come together, brought together by the magic that is the internet and help each other realize a shared fantasy. Yeah. That, you know, we talk about post-nut clarity. Sometimes people are like seized by shame after, but if a person is in a healthy place about their kinks, we don't talk enough about the gratitude that really can come just pouring

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01] out of a person who felt seen, but ignored, but seen and was able to realize this fantasy because you were willing to help them realize that fantasy and realize your own fantasy. Like we, we project onto people who've just done something really sleazy that of course they're going to feel bad or weird after.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_02] It was the exact opposite, the exact opposite of that.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_01] More questions I have to ask. We're out of time, but I have so many more questions. So you got a hotel room for the night. This took an hour. Did you do a repeat? Did you like circle back at midnight or before?

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_02] We didn't know. You were there all night. So the schedule works so that I came in the night before, because this actually happened at like 7am in the morning.

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_00] Wow.

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_02] So our schedules would work and whatnot. So we, it was very calculated, like how and when. And so no, I had to get to work. So we did that for an hour and then that's it. And we, um, we largely left it alone. There was definitely like a, a replaying via texting around, like, can you believe that just happened? And sort of replaying the moments that really stuck with us the most.

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_01] It was a first for you. Was it a first for him?

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_02] I get the sense that it was. He said that it was. And I got the sense that, that, that was true.

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_01] But it was a year and a half ago that this happened. Have you guys booked a hotel in the same city, in the same place again?

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, we haven't. I think that it was so like deliciously perfect that I did not want to mess with it. And we had, we had messaged a bit over the, you know, the course of the following few months. And there was a few times where we were like, should we do this again? Because it just worked so well. And we seem to be so into each other's vibe, but you know, for whatever reason, either schedules. And then I think I did, I kind of just wanted to preserve this like little thing.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_01] You know, part of me wants you guys to same time next year. I know. CC out. Once a year. I know.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_02] It'd be kind of lovely.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_01] I also respect that we had this perfect moment and trying to repeat it, it won't be as perfect. And so let's just appreciate it for the perfect moment. I spent a couple of days in Amsterdam many, many, many years ago when I was single and childless with this guy. And we just met and hit it off. And we were both like, and we are never going to see each other.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_02] And we're never going to see each other again.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_01] And I consider it like one of my best relationships. Because a relationship can last a couple hours. It can last decades. Totally. And like that weekend. And it was almost like, you know what? We're never, well, we're never going to be able to top this. I topped him, but we wouldn't be able to top this.

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. There's been a lot of that. A lot of just like, this is really great for what it is. And as much as I want more, more, more, this is just perfect as it was.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_01] And you went on to have other sexual adventures with people you met on field.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_02] I did.

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. And like, listen to the monogamous people out there or the vanilla people or the people who think, that scheduled sex can't be hot sex. Look at what the kinky people are doing. Like, the explicit negotiation around what's going to happen. Absolutely. The elaborate plan does not drain the moment of its excitement.

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_02] Not even a little bit. Yeah. It's really, it's really been like the, one of the most liberating experiences. I mean, there's a lot of ways to access like freedom and empowerment and like confidence and self-assuredness. But I tell you this, this experience in particular has like unlocked those doors to a level I did not know was possible.

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_01] There are a lot of ways to unlock a sense of freedom and self-actualization, but no better way than watching some dude you've never met stroke one out.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_02] No better way. Highly recommend. 10 out of 10.

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_01] Thank you so much for coming on After Action Report. My pleasure. That was a great story. Thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you, Rachel. And thank you, Rachel, for reminding all of us to make shit happen for ourselves. Like Rachel, we can all create beautiful experiences for ourselves with a little effort and intentionality. And hey, if you do that for yourself, if you make something happen, and you should because you're worth it, we want to hear all about it on After Action Report. Write me at qitsavage.love.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_01] Let us know what you tried, and you might be my next guest right here on After Action Report.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_00] After Action Report.